Does it exist? I think so. In certain circumstances under certain conditions. Right now, I experience it on two fronts: giving and receiving. Lucky, huh? I believe I am.
I heard from friends and strangers about that falling-in-love feeling a new mom gets when she holds her baby for the first time. “There’s nothing like it,” I was told, “it’s unconditional.” I knew I’d love him when he showed up. I had hoped and prayed and dreamed of him for so, so long before he arrived. I couldn’t possibly love him more after his birth. I was wrong. I love him more every day. And this love, this mother’s love, is truly without condition.
I wouldn’t wake up every two to three hours every night for just anyone. I wouldn’t pause my career for just anyone. I do it gladly for this little person who fills my heart with a there’s-nothing-like-it-love.
But there’s a symbiotic relationship happening here. My son has the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen, next to my dad’s and my grandfather’s. His unconditional love for me lasers out of them and into me like the Luxor’s bright beam shoots into space. His big, sometimes sideways, toothless grin lights up his whole face when he sees me (and it’s not only because I am the booby lady). That I would ever make another human that happy with just my presence, humbles me.
I know these precious baby-days won’t last forever. He won’t always look at me like that. I won’t always be his whole world. One day I’ll say “no” and he will scrunch up his face and throw a tantrum to beat all tantrums.
So for now, I will carve these looks, this feeling, this love into my brain as if carving into granite. I will appreciate and savor every scrumptious moment of giving and receiving unconditional love.