“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
For several weeks, I burrowed myself down into the dead earth of negativity. I saw the wrong in every thing, every one. I felt my soul drying up and my heart getting hard. Confession: I held onto my “everything is ok and happy” facade for a while. I think those closest to me felt the incongruity of my positive words and the negativity emanating from my very being.
I closed tightly into myself, kept the bud of my joy on lock-down. Why? I don’t know. I could list off a handful of reasons but those are just guesses. Hormones, stress, moving, fussy baby… BLAH! Guesses? or Excuses? Doesn’t really matter. I figured it out before negativity took root too deeply or permanently. Whew!
It feels so much better to risk blossoming… to risk being happy… to risk putting good stuff into the world, not knowing where or how it will land. Embracing life with arms wide and light shining from my eyes energizes me, quenches some unexplainable thirst.
Blossoming, embracing happiness – it’s work. But it’s honorable work. When I want to lash out, bite and sting others with my words or actions, I breathe deeply, close my eyes, take a beat. When I start the negative self talk and run anger scenarios in my mind, I shake my head and clear my brain like an etch-a-sketch. I remind myself I want to sow seeds of kindness, joy, positivity… I want this blossoming garden tended to with gentle, loving intention and attention.
Yeah, weeds will pop up now and then… because that’s just life and human nature. I’ll dispose of them as needed.