I have been waiting to write my next blog post. Waiting until I wasn’t tired. Waiting until I could frame it in a way that was happy or positive. Waiting until that sweet muse overtook me and the words flowed like the headwaters of the Missouri. Waiting until the baby napped longer than 20 minutes. Waiting until I felt I had something good to write about, something that would make others feel good too.
But I today learned that showing up in the not-so-pretty-moments is still important and definitely authentic. So here’s what’s going on in all its rawness…
I am exhausted. And trying to be a good mom, I have learned, is exhausting. (Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely worth the exhaustion.) I have a desk covered in paperwork that needs to be filed. I have a load of laundry that needs to be folded and several that need to get through the wash. The floors need vacuuming and scrubbing. Lawn needs watering and the car needs washed and an oil change. And I feel sad. Feel like I am failing someone somewhere on something.
A friend said to me today, “Keeping things from going backward is a lot of work. And, to others, it doesn’t look like any forward movement. But imagine what would happen if you quit doing the things you are doing.” She made a good point and I felt a smidge better.
I appreciate all my blessings; and my cup really does overflow with good things. But that doesn’t take away times when life challenges me, stresses me or stretches me super thin. It doesn’t change the fact that there are days when I want to be gone. It doesn’t change the fact that if one more person asks me to do one more thing that I don’t want to pull my hair out and scream.
What to do in those times to stay sane? I try to recognize those places, give them space, take a step back, find little ways to make myself feel better. I try to remember that these stretched-to-the-max-times are temporary. If all else fails, I sit and have myself a really good, soul-washing, old-fashioned cry.
Then I put on the big girl panties and get back in the game.