Monthly Archives: November 2014

If We Were Fifteen Again…

If we were eighteen again, I’d keep my promise to stay in touch
And you’d always know how to reach me…

If we were twenty again, I’d call on every birthday and anniversary
And tell you how much I miss you…

If we were twenty-six again, I’d lean on you through my divorce
And you’d call me and cry on my shoulder when you were hurting…

If we were thirty again, I’d make plans for a Girls’ Weekend
 And we’d celebrate like were still teenagers…

If we were fifteen again, I’d write you a poem
And I’d tell you that I loved you like you were my own sister…



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Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Poetry


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Love The Belly

Before I got pregnant I hated my stomach. Don’t all women?? Well, all women from our culture/society?? We are bombarded with images of perfectly flat, toned or ripped abdomens and we look down at our own sorry, flabby flesh and fall into bouts of depression or self-loathing over it.

I used to hate my stomach and considered it the worst of my physical features.  I tried to keep it in shape.  I did the core work-outs and the crunches and the lower ab leg lifts and the fat-burning exercises and … and… and… and… I still hated the stomach that just didn’t want to do what I wanted it to do.

When I got pregnant I watched my stomach grow and grow and grow and grow and then it grew some more.  It had to expand to hold a 9+ pound baby and everything that baby needed in utero. I look back at pictures and can NOT believe that was ME.  Funny thing, though… when I was going through the pregnancy I never felt big. I never felt as big as I was, that’s for sure. And I loved my belly.

I am now two years past my son’s birth. And my stomach hasn’t quite recovered from carrying that sweet baby.  Granted, I never seem to find the time to exercise it, either.  So there’s that.  I look down when I am doing a plank exercise (or just sitting on the couch) and see how gravity pulls that excess belly toward the earth.  And to think it was never close to that prior to pregnancy and yet I hated it then.

But now I just smile when I see it. Some excess, wrinkly skin that would have freaked me out 4 years ago makes happy today. This belly grew a baby.  A baby I wanted for so long.  This belly protected the most precious person I have ever met, gave him a warm, nourishing home.  And eventually I will work it out more, try to get a stronger overall core. But I no longer obsess or lament this belly. I caress it and appreciate it for being strong enough to bring a new life into my life. This belly is my badge of motherhood and I love it just as it is right now.

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Posted by on November 11, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Happy Halloween Anniversary

Dear Hunter,

I didn’t have time to write this before Halloween…what, with the never ending laundry, dishes, diaper-changing, cooking, nursing routine around here… I am surprised anything else ever gets done at all. And, when I search my heart, I am o.k. with that.

But what I wanted to tell you on Halloween was a little story about dad and I.  You see, six years ago on Halloween we went on a date. We had met for the first time a couple weeks earlier and set up a real date for Halloween.  I guess you could say it was an enchanted evening…

After primping and preening and trying to figure out how women wear lipstick with out it smearing on their teeth and ultimately opting for just some lip gloss, I met your dad in Seattle.  We stepped into an empty elevator and as it lifted us up the outside of the building, giving a great view of the city lights, your dad kissed me for the first time. And I think we were lost in that moment …stretching it … letting time move around us. And when the elevator stopped, we stepped into a whole new world…. a world we began building for ourselves.

The evening moved along in sweet fashion. We had a lovely dinner and took a cab to a little joint at the edge of Belltown in Seattle where we were the only customers.  All the ghosts and goblins had gone on their way, apparently to cause mayhem down the street. We shared a bottle of wine and chatted for a couple hours, at least.  And then all hell started breaking loose. The Halloween festivities got crazy that night in Seattle.  People really did wreak havoc in the city. Cabs were a hot commodity and eventually our server drove us back to the starting point of the evening in her own car.

When the date was over, and we were set to go our separate ways, your dad got real serious. And it started to rain, which is normal for Seattle. He looked at me with rain drops on his glasses and said, “I want to do what it takes to make this work.”  In that moment hundreds of thoughts raced through my head and they went a little like this: What the???? Huh??? Uh. Too soon.  Too serious. Is he for real? What do I say to that? Um, ok. What the ????  But what came out of my mouth was, “So, do I.” And so, son, we did.  And every day we continue to do what it takes to make “this”… this relationship we have… work.

So, there you have it… how Halloween got to be our anniversary.


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Posted by on November 4, 2014 in Letters To My Son, New Adventures


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