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For My Husband on His First Father’s Day

Dear Steve,

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Long before you held your son for the very first time, I knew you were a man worthy of having one. I watched you with children not your own and saw the depth of your heart, the strength of your character and the sweetness of your soul.

When I saw you hold your son for the first time, tears in your eyes, I watched you gingerly cradle your whole world.  When you kissed him for the first time and breathed deep his baby smell, I saw that part of you that misses your own father, begin to truly heal.

You will teach your son not by telling him but by showing him how to be a good man, how to be his own man.  You will guide him, giving him a lot of lead line to find his own way and reel him in when the waters get way too rough.  As you find your footing with this new role – fatherhood – my heart sees your joy, your pride, your worry, your daddy-ness.  Your love shines straight into his little heart and your son reflects that back in the way he smiles at you.

On your first Father’s Day, my husband, know you are good.

Love,
Annie

 
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Posted by on June 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Montana

Dear Montana

I remember the first time we met.  I was just an eleven year old girl who’d never been more than a few miles from her Midwest home.  You introduced me to mountains for the first time ever, and I fell in love with them… and with you. 

Under your Big Sky, I had many firsts… first time camping, first floating the irrigation canal, first high school, first jumping off a bridge into crystal clear, cool Gallatin River, first time snow skiing and first time water skiing.  You are where I made my first life-long, there-for-me-anytime friends.  My first 4th of July snowfall happened during your watch, too, come to think of it.  Thanks for that, by the way.

Tomorrow I drive out of the big, rain-soaked city, leave the Evergreen State and return to you.  I bring my most important “First” with me – my first-born son.  I pray you watch over him as he takes his first steps on your soil and learns his life-lessons in the shadow of your mountains. 

I promise to teach him to respect you and all that is yours… your clean waters, your flowing grasses, and all your wild things. It is said that there is a first time for everything… I am happy my next first is with you, Montana.

with love, from the eleven year old girl who still lives in my heart.

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Unconditional Love

Does it exist? I think so. In certain circumstances under certain conditions. Right now, I experience it on two fronts: giving and receiving. Lucky, huh? I believe I am.

I heard from friends and strangers about that falling-in-love feeling a new mom gets when she holds her baby for the first time. “There’s nothing like it,” I was told, “it’s unconditional.” I knew I’d love him when he showed up. I had hoped and prayed and dreamed of him for so, so long before he arrived.  I couldn’t possibly love him  more after his birth. I was wrong. I love him more every day.  And this love, this mother’s love, is truly without condition.

I wouldn’t wake up every two to three hours every night for just anyone.  I wouldn’t pause my career for just anyone.  I do it gladly for this little person who fills my heart with a there’s-nothing-like-it-love.

But there’s a symbiotic relationship happening here. My son has the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen, next to my dad’s and my grandfather’s.  His unconditional love for me lasers out of them and into me like the Luxor’s bright beam shoots into space. His big, sometimes sideways, toothless grin lights up his whole face when he sees me (and it’s not only because I am the booby lady).  That I would ever make another human that happy with just my presence, humbles me.

I know these precious baby-days won’t last forever. He won’t always look at me like that.  I won’t always be his whole world. One day I’ll say “no” and he will scrunch up his face and throw a tantrum to beat all tantrums.

So for now, I will carve these looks, this feeling, this love into my brain as if carving into granite. I will appreciate and savor every scrumptious moment of giving and receiving unconditional love.

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Posted by on February 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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